Losing His Stripes
by Tori Winter
Summary: It's 19 years after Calvin's legendary lines "Let's go exploring!" that ended the series. Calvin is dating and living with Susie Derkins. But he still hasn't stopped talking to Hobbes. It's starting to worry everyone, and he begins to go therapy. While there, he discovers Hobbes' true emotionally manipulative side and why he still sees him.
1. Chapter 1

Act I Scene I

_Lights up on two men, one middle-aged and the other in his early 20s. They both sit on chairs with a small table between them, opposite each other. The older man, the DOCTOR, takes notes in his book as CALVIN speaks to him._

_The DOCTOR stands up and addresses the audience._

DOCTOR: I would like to thank you for joining us tonight. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the timeless comic strip from the 80s and 90s, "Calvin & Hobbes." The final panel of Bill Watterson's legendary comic published on December 31st, 1995, had six year-old Calvin sledding away with his famous stuffed tiger Hobbes, exclaiming, "Let's go exploring!" However…six year old Calvin never stopped exploring. Onto when he reached the age of seven, Hobbes remained by his side. And eight. Nine. Ten. Fifteen. Eighteen. Twenty. And now twenty-five. It seems like a friendship to last the ages. However, this wasn't normal. Not to most people. Calvin's lasting relationship with his stuffed tiger was juvenile, and worrisome to much of his family and now-girlfriend, Susie Derkins. He was finally referred to a psychiatrist. And that's where we begin.

_(The DOCTOR sits and addresses CALVIN)_

DOCTOR: Thank you for coming to see me.

CALVIN: Thank you for seeing me.

DOCTOR: Do you know why you're here today, Calvin?

CALVIN: _(a pause)_ No, I can't say that I do.

DOCTOR: Well, your family is very worried about you, Calvin. So is your girlfriend. Is everything okay with you?

CALVIN: Of course! Things are fine! Why would there be anything wrong?

DOCTOR: As your therapist, it's my job just to be sure that you're all right. Now, how about you tell me about your girlfriend?

CALVIN: My girlfriend? _(he takes a second to think)_ Susie. I met her in first grade when she first moved next door to me. I think we had a crush on each other even then. But I would always pick on her because she's a girl and she was such a know-it-all. She still is, but it's really endearing, you know? I finally got up the nerve to ask her out in freshman year of high school. She said yes as if she'd been waiting for me to ask her forever. We've been together ever since. I'm planning on proposing to her soon, too. She makes me so happy, I can't believe Hobbes and I used to pick on her so much.

DOCTOR: Hobbes?

CALVIN: He's my best friend.

DOCTOR: Tell me a bit about him.

CALVIN: _(getting a bit more excited)_ Oh, Hobbes is great! I've known him since I was three years old. We've gone adventuring and exploring together. He lives with me too. He likes to sleep in my bed, but Susie doesn't really like it. She'll sometimes say to me, "C'mon Calvin, why is Hobbes in the bed with us all the time? Can't it just be the two of us?" But Hobbes has _always_ slept in the bed with me.

DOCTOR: Wait, is Hobbes real, or a stuffed animal?

CALVIN: Oh no, he's real. Anyway, Hobbes really likes tuna. Whenever Susie buys any, it just disappears within a day! Isn't that funny? And whenever I come home, he gives me these huge hugs that sometimes knock me down.

DOCTOR: I see. And what does he look like?

CALVIN: Well, he's got orange hair and black stripes—

DOCTOR: Black stripes?

CALVIN: Yep!

DOCTOR: Now, are we talking about a person or a tiger?

CALVIN: Oh, Hobbes is a tiger. I guess I forgot to mention that.

DOCTOR: I see…and where is Hobbes now?

CALVIN: You ask a lot of questions, don't you, Doc?

HOBBES: _(entering)_ Can you believe it? This guy doesn't even have any tuna!

CALVIN: Hobbes, you can't just go through other people's stuff! C'mon, sit down! _(HOBBES sits on the floor next to CALVIN)_

DOCTOR: Calvin, is he here now?

CALVIN: Yeah, he's sitting right next to me, can't you see him?

HOBBES: Hey, how you doing, doc?

DOCTOR: Calvin, I don't see anything but a stuffed tiger.

HOBBES: Whoa, he just flat out ignored me.

CALVIN: What are you talking about? He's right here, plain as day. He just said hello to you, too.

DOCTOR: This may be hard to hear, but you're what we call a "schizophrenic."

CALVIN: _(hesitating)_ I…don't get it.

DOCTOR: Hobbes isn't real. He's a figment of your imagination. The fact that you see him and you talk to him, and that he talks to you _isn't_ normal.

HOBBES: First he ignores me, and now he says I'm not real? What a quack! _(gets up)_ Let's leave, Calvin!

CALVIN: _(stays sitting)_ Hobbes…isn't real?

HOBBES: Calvin…don't believe him.

DOCTOR: No, Calvin. You have to believe me and understand me. As a child, you got attached to Hobbes. He was an imaginary friend. It's normal for children to have imaginary friends. But it's not for a 25 year-old man. Perhaps something happened in your childhood that made Hobbes stay around. We're going to try to figure out what it is.

CALVIN: I don't know what it could be.

DOCTOR: We're going to work together. In the meantime, I'm going to prescribe you with some medication, and I want you to come see me about twice a week, okay?

CALVIN: _(nods)_ I understand. _(gets up to leave, but pauses)_ Will the medicine work right away? Like, will Hobbes just…disappear?

DOCTOR: _(shakes head)_ No, it might take a few weeks or even some dosage changes before it works in full.

CALVIN: Okay, good. _(looks to Hobbes)_ I want a chance to say good-bye.

END OF ACT I SCENE I


	2. Chapter 2

ACT I SCENE II

_Scene set in CALVIN and SUSIE'S kitchen. SUSIE is talking on the phone with CALVIN'S MOM, who is standing on an empty part of the stage. HOBBES is sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table._

CALVIN'S MOM: So, did Calvin finally go to therapy?

SUSIE: He did, he did. The doctor says he has schizophrenia or something of the sort. He gave him some medication. I'm just glad that this will finally be settled.

CALVIN'S MOM: Susie, are you sure that this isn't too much for you? Are you sure you don't want us taking care of Calvin until he's better?  
SUSIE: Don't worry, it'll be fine. Trust me, I dealt with worse when we were kids. I want to help him now.

CALVIN'S MOM: Oh, you're a saint. You know, somehow I always knew you two would end up together.

SUSIE: _(laughing)_ I think the _world_ knew! Oh, speaking of which, is your husband around? I might as well say hi to him too.

CALVIN'S MOM: No, he's out biking again. I tell you, Susie, I worry about him; he exerts himself so much with all of this biking I'm afraid he won't be able to take it anymore. He's sixty years old, he's stressed from work, he refuses to retire, and then he bikes as an attempt to de-stress, but it doesn't worry. I don't really know what to do.

SUSIE: I wouldn't worry too much. He has his coping mechanisms, just like we have ours. _(a beat)_ I'm gonna go now, I think I hear Calvin, and we're going to eat lunch.

CALVIN'S MOM: Okay, take care. _(they both hang up. CALVIN'S MOM exits)_

SUSIE: _(seeing HOBBES on the table)_ Ugh, Calvin left his damn stuffed tiger on the table again. Calvin!

CALVIN: _(entering)_ I'm here, what's up?

SUSIE: Can you take your tiger out of here so we can eat lunch?

CALVIN: Don't you have any tuna so he can eat with us?

SUSIE: No, Calvin, you ate it all.

CALVIN: Ew, gross, I hate tuna. It was Hobbes, I swear.

SUSIE: Calvin, please.

CALVIN: Fine, okay. _(he drags HOBBES off the table)_

HOBBES: I guess next time I won't eat _all_ of the tuna?

CALVIN: _(taking him aside)_ Hobbes, I'm sorry, but you and I both know that you aren't real.

HOBBES: Calvin, who are you going to believe, some doctor or someone who's been your best friend for over twenty years?

CALVIN: I don't know, but right now, Susie just wants to eat lunch with me. Okay?

HOBBES: _(shrugs)_ Whatever. It's cool. Choose the girl over your best friend.

CALVIN: It's not like that I – I just want to get better.

HOBBES: What's to fix? You're seem perfectly okay to me!

CALVIN: Because, Hobbes, whenever people see you, they just see a stuffed tiger!

HOBBES: But what if other people saw you, all they saw was a stuffed doll? Why is it that _my_ existence is the one in question? Why isn't it yours? _(pause)_ See, you don't have an answer for me.

CALVIN: Please, let me and Susie eat. _(he leads HOBBES out of the room and goes back to sit at the table)_

SUSIE: _(bringing over a sandwich)_ Here you go, Calvin! It's crushed eyeball sandwich!

CALVIN: _(looking at the sandwich and then back to her)_ It's jelly.

SUSIE: _(sits down with Calvin with her own sandwich)_ You usually play along with these jokes. What's wrong? It isn't because I made you put Hobbes away, is it?

CALVIN: No, no…I'm just thinking…how do I know that _I'm_ not the one who's imaginary? Why shouldn't my existence be questioned?

SUSIE: That's a very…existential thought.

CALVIN: I mean, think about it. Who are we to say that we are real and something else is imaginary? How do we know that we're real? Or even that our existence here on this planet even matters?

SUSIE: You're worrying me, Calvin.

CALVIN: But you know what's beautiful? We have that ability to try to defy what someone says is right because don't like what they say. "Hey, your best friend isn't real!" Well, I get to say "SCREW YOU!" to what people say is true or right, because I'm an autonomous human being.

SUSIE: _(she thinks for a moment)_ The fact that you feel the need to defend this position, and that you are in complete denial about Hobbes' inexistence makes me sure that there's something wrong.

CALVIN: But why?

SUSIE: Calvin, are you even listening to yourself? You sound like you're out of your mind!

CALVIN: Like I said, Susie, I'm a free spirit! I can rebel against the system if I want to, because I have that choice!

SUSIE: But why make it? Calvin, you are a twenty-five year old man, why won't you just grow up?

CALVIN: _(he stops short – suddenly he is pulled back to reality)_ I…I don't know…

SUSIE: Calvin, do you love me?

CALVIN: Of course I do.

SUSIE: Then I want you to promise me something. Promise me that you will at least _try_ to solve this. Try to get better. For me.

CALVIN: _(takes a deep breath)_ Susie Derkins, I promise that I will not only try, but I will get better. For you. I'd do anything for you. I love you.

SUSIE: _(leans in and kisses him)_ I love you, too.

CALVIN: Susie, I know it's not much, but we have been dating for about eleven years now…and we've talked about it a few times…do you want to get married?

SUSIE: _(smiling and blushing, she looks away shyly)_ I would like that very much, yes.

CALVIN: I don't have a ring yet, but I'll get one as soon as possible, okay?

SUSIE: No rush. _(They share another kiss)_

CALVIN: Are you going to eat your mushy brain sandwich?

END OF ACT II SCENE II


End file.
